Christmas shopping for your family usually results in late nights spent shoving middle-aged women inside of a crowded Target®. Your sister has a weird obsession with suggestive gnome statues, and your dad is insufferable unless you buy him the latest Apple® product. This year, take control and buy them something they’ll remember for a million years. Where to find such tidings of joy? SkyMall® is the solution, friends. I’ve put together the perfect SkyMall® holiday wish list, so you can sleep a little easier this year while you eagerly await the sound of hooves up on the rooftop:
“Bigfoot the Holiday Yeti” Ornament©: $9.95
Forget boring angels and candy canes, you’ve got Bigfoot on your side this Christmas. He’s the perfect addition to any Douglas fir, because he brings a magical combination of holiday cheer and a whole lot of hair.
Tortilla Baby Swaddle Blanket: $47.99
Your friends have been popping out babies like crazy. What better way to make their little ones feel loved than by wrapping them up like a burrito? Complete with a “4-step Burrito Roll” recipe, the good folks of Chipotle will be calling you to come on board AS.A.P.
Serenity Cat Pod: $1,000
One thousand dollars is a small price to pay for your favorite feline’s happiness. Tell Snookums it was designed by the pod designer of “Men in Black III” (which is completely true), making her essentially a celebrity. This spaceship-like chamber offers a comfy cave for your cat, with LED lights that change color so your fur baby won’t feel left out when you go to Coachella without her.
Fyxation Leather 6-Pack Caddy: $59.95
While this could make you at risk for a B.U.I., you probably won’t care because you’ll be drunk on a bike (which everyone knows is incredibly fun). Personally, I’ll be adding this to my holiday wish list. It’s the ideal gift for the fitness-conscious binge drinker in your life.
Mounted Squirrel Head: $24.96
Remember when you were a kid and looked up in awe at your uncle’s mounted buck? Well, this is almost as cool as that. Put this little critter over your bed, and he’ll protect you from anyone who wishes you harm. You know, like a cool guardian of the forest…who just happens to be a rodent.
Mademoiselle Floor Lamp: $549
Get a leg up on interior design with this illuminating item. And you won’t feel pressure to show any skin when you have guests over, because your fancy pants lamp is doin’ it for you.
Push Pushi Raincoat: $44.95
Give your pooch some special holiday TLC this season. Your little furball hates getting wet at all costs, so the sensible thing to do is purchase him this comfy coat that doubles as an umbrella. If Fido gives you the stink face, it’s simply because he’s too happy to express himself via his normal contented grunts.
Wine Bottle Glass: $19.95
The classier option to chugging vino straight from the bottle. Purchase this puppy for the “Cougar Town” enthusiast in your life, and prepare to be showered with slurred compliments.
Faceless Watch: $99.95
Ancient Greeks had sundials, and you can give your modern-day loved one a faceless watch. They may have to strain to actually see what time it is, but bystanders will simply assume they’ve developed a Narcissus complex and fallen in love with their own forearm.
RZ Facemask: $29.95
Nothing says “happy holidays” quite like a personalized air purifier. Sure, the wearer of the mask might look like the dastardly evil-doer Bane, but their lungs will be as innocent as Alfred, trying to get Mr. Wayne to take his vitamins.
Still didn’t find what you’re looking for? Browse SkyMall® for 30 seconds and you’ll be flooded with creative ideas, in addition to having interesting topics to text your mom about. (Why didn’t she ever buy you an Italian Replica Globe Bar?) Your family and friends will love your sense of fun, and all of these weird gifts are sure to keep the conversation going around ye olde yule log.
