As you board your flight, it hits you. You forgot to pack something to occupy your time. Adjusting yourself in the faux leather chair that will be your new home for the next few hours, you imagine your iPad and favorite John Steinbeck novel sitting on your kitchen table. They’re probably checking the news and making lighthearted small talk about California agriculture without you. Dangit! As you lean forward to bang your head on the seat in front of you, a crinkled corner catches your eye. Reaching into the seas pocket, you pull out a trusty copy of SkyMall.
Any traveler knows that SkyMall is the end-all and be-all of in-flight entertainment (not counting George Clooney movies). Instead of moping about how you could be racking up a new high score playing Angry Birds, let the good people of SkyMall take your mind off of your troubles for a while. Not trying to spend your entire flight browsing? Lucky for you, I’ve compiled the 10 best SkyMall items out there:
Compact Portable Footrest $29.99
Because putting your feet on the actual ground is for peasants!
Recreational Monofins $49.99 – $89.99
All of your friends are going to be so jealous of your sweet monofins. Especially when you can’t properly walk down the beach to get into the ocean. Hopefully they still like you enough to help out once you fall over into the sand. Ouch.
Winky Cross Body Bag $39.00
For the traveler who has eyes in the back of their head, or all over their body. This is the perfect accessory for the traveler who has a hard time flirting with in-flight hotties. Although a bit creepy, no one will be able to say that they didn’t know you’re interested. Wink wink.
It Is What It Is Bracelet $19.95
Does this really need an explanation? It is what it is. Deal with it.
Heather Harp Carrying Case $49.95
In middle school your mother urged you to start playing musical instruments. Even if you marched to a different tune, you can still carry around a harp. Rent it out to any traveling wedding bands and say you’ll provide harp transportation free of charge.
Wireless Retro iPhone Handset $32.95
You invested more than $200 to keep up with modern times, but why not throw in an obsolete phone just for fun.
Torso Toner $60.00
“Have you been working out?” “No man, don’t tell anybody, but I’m just rocking my Torso Toner.” Get ready for flat abs and a huge self-esteem boost.
Sleep Mask with Music Input $12.95
Hear music with your eyeballs!
Plush Monkey Hat- Pack of 6 $72.66
Nothing is sexier than a grown person in a cartoonish monkey cap. Don’t be scared off by the price tag, these hats are going to bring you countless hours of entertainment. The best part is they come in a pack of 6, so you’ll always have a back-up.
Dowager Countess Tees $29.95 – $34.95
After several minutes of scrolling through SkyMall, it became apparent that there is some type of weird “Downton Abbey” obsession happening. I’m giving preferential treatment to this specific product because it features the Dowager Countess, a.k.a. Professor McGonagall.
Take it from someone who just spent 45 minutes laughing at all the innovative and ludicrous things that live inside SkyMall magazine, this publication will provide you with enough entertainment to last the duration of any flight. So perhaps the next time you travel you forget to pack your iPad on purpose…imagine that.