Since the creation of the commercial aircraft, people have been in awe that an object weighing over 120 tons can stay airborne. Then awe turned to shock when the masses realized how close they would have to sit next to strangers. Hopefully you\u2019ve been lucky during your travels and have enjoyed empty adjoining seats during long flights or wound up chatting with a generous, handsome, and friendly undercover millionaire.<\/p>\n

However, I\u2019m willing to bet it\u2019s more likely you\u2019ve sat next to one of those un-personable types. If you\u2019re shaking your head thinking, \u201cOh golly no, airplane neighbors are just super!\u201d that probably means you\u2019re the obnoxious one, so you may need to rethink your life choices. Think about these people carefully when making your way down the aisle, and sit your butt in the chair which seems like the lesser of evils.<\/p>\n

Personal Space Pete<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Standard airline seats are 17 inches across, which is simply not enough for Personal Space Pete. It doesn\u2019t matter if Pete is 100 or 300 pounds, he is all up in your business. From digging his elbow into your navel over the \u201ccommunal\u201d armrest to tugging on his great, grizzly beard without worrying where stray hairs may fly, there\u2019s no avoiding him. Perhaps he\u2019s asleep and has his head uncomfortably draped on your subtly twitching shoulder. Conscious or not, Pete could care less about whether he\u2019s invading your bubble. In fact, he\u2019s probably dreaming about stretching out a little more. Try to get an aisle seat and signal to a friendly flight attendant for help. Hopefully she can respond to your SOS signal with a free vodka tonic to help you make it through the remainder of your flight.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Talkative Terry<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u201cHi, I\u2019m Terry!\u201d These are the last three words you remember before heading into a tailspin of terrible small talk. Terry does not care that you have your headphones on or that you\u2019re trying to take a nap. Were you excited about watching the new in-flight Matthew McConaughey movie? That\u2019s too bad. At first, it seems innocent enough–asking about your travel plans and where you\u2019re from, but then the conversation takes a dark turn. Completely unsolicited, Terry talks about his favorite place for pancakes in all 50 states, how he thought his pet tarantula died but turns out he was really just molting, and going on about the weekly ritual of pulling hairs from his mother\u2019s chin. Sounds fun, right? While you could be rude, just smile, nod, and try to think of happier times. It will all be over soon.<\/p>\n

The Hell-raising Hubertsons<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The hell-raising Hubertsons are your run-of-the-mill flying family, kind of like the Jetsons, but not as high tech. Mr. and Mrs. Hubertson are so excited to take a vacation, they simply don\u2019t care that little Jimmy and Jenny are screaming until their faces turn purple. In fact, you\u2019re pretty sure that both parents are indulging in a rare moment of sleep. As much as you want to give them a piece of your mind or passive aggressively complain that children should not <\/em>be allowed to fly–just remember that one day you might have children of your own behaving badly in transit. And wouldn\u2019t you want to sleep, too? Pull those gummy bears out of your carry-on and toss \u2018em to the terrorizing tikes. Chances are they\u2019ll be a bit quieter when confections head their direction, plus their parents will have a sticky surprise waiting when they wake up.\u00a0 Oops, you were just trying to be a good neighbor, wink wink.<\/p>\n

Margaret from Middle School<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You\u2019ve come a long way from the braces and pimples of yesteryear, but that doesn\u2019t mean you want to talk about those hormonal times on a six-hour flight with an old acquaintance you randomly were seated next to. Getting shot down by the boy of your dreams at the 8^{th<\/sup> grade \u201cgoodbye dance\u201d was harrowing enough without reliving it with Margaret from George Washington Jr. High. (What could have been with young Bobby? You shared a love of Pok\u00e9mon cards and bean-and-cheese burritos–a romance for the ages.) Play it cool until you are at a place to say, \u201cOMG, Margaret?! We totally had P.E. together!\u201d and then try to move the conversation to more modern-day topics.<\/p>\n}

Stinky Stephanie<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

What is that? A pungent aroma hits your nostrils as you prepare for take-off. Ah, the fragrant culprit can\u2019t be far off. Sitting next to you and smiling is Stinky Stephanie. She looks like she\u2019s going home after a year spent living in the wild with no showers and plenty of sweating. Be warned, she may embark on an in-flight rant about how she doesn\u2019t believe in using deodorant as you watch her bare, dirt-crusted feet wriggle closer to your designer purse. Although she seems like a sweet person, it\u2019s really hard to see, err smell, past her first impression. Breathe lightly and best case scenario, the fermenting stink will cause oxygen masks to drop down from the overhead cabins and offer some sweet relief.<\/p>\n

No matter who\u2019s next to you on your high-flying travels, stay calm and play it cool. And if you\u2019re open to shifting your perspective, you might just make a new, albeit weird, friend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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